Holly's Date
by openattheclose
Summary: Decided to make this longer than a oneshot, so will be adding a new chapter soon. Holly's recount of a date that doesn't go perfectly...Chapter 7 Up, COMPLETED.
1. Last Minute Preparations

**This date isn't with anyone in particular; you can choose whoever you want it to be with. Artemis, Trouble, Foaly, OC, etc... (until you read the next chapters that is)**

**Disclaimer: Eoin Colfer owns Artemis Fowl. I own nothing but Monica and Holly's expensive shoes. .:waves them menacingly:.**

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**Last Minute Preparations **

'So, Miss Short,' began Monica Green, her brown curls falling over her eyes that glinted with mischief, 'looking forward to your date?'

'Oh shut up,' her friend, Holly Short, muttered in reply. Holly bent in front of her mirror, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, frowning and brushing it in front again.

'Is someone a little nervous, perhaps?' Monica enquired; ducking the second she finished her sentence. Holly sent her a death glare that would have turned her to stone if that sort of thing was possible (and it was the kind of glare that pretty much made you think it was).

'Not in the least, Monica,' Holly said huffily. She glanced at herself in the mirror again, sighing with annoyance. 'Who says I wanted to go on this date anyway?'

'You. A few hours ago. If you want, I'll quote you: "Sure. What time do you want me to be there?" Yes, it's a long way away from "Yes my darling, I'd give anything to go on a date with you!" but who knows. An elf can dream, can't she?'

This time Monica didn't duck quick enough as Holly threw a shoe at her.

'Hey!' Monica complained. 'That shoe's expensive, Holly! Come to think of it, I'm not sure what shocks me more: the fact you have an expensive pair of shoes, or anything other than a LEP uniform in your wardrobe.'

Holly tossed another shoe at her friend carelessly, before turning to face her. 'Monica Green,' she said sternly, 'so what if I'm wearing a…skirt?' the word sounded unfamiliar coming from her and she turned away quickly to hide her embarrassment.

Monica grinned, picking up the shoes and placing them on the floor again with delicacy.

'Do I look okay?' Holly blurted suddenly, instantly seeming to regret her words.

Monica bit back a scathing reply like 'Now look who's nervous?' and instead said comfortingly 'You look fine, Holly.'

'Good,' Holly murmured distractedly.

'Do you know what time it is?' Monica asked her, looking over at the clock on Holly's bedside table.

'No, but it can't be that late, can it? I'm only making some last minute preparations.'

'Um, Holly, it's 8:00.'

'WHAT?' cried Holly, jumping up. She looked at the clock and ran out of room into the hallway, grabbing her coat that was hanging on the door before running out and shutting it quickly. A faint curse could be heard from outside as Holly's footsteps stopped abruptly. The door opened again a second later and Holly ran back into her room, grabbed her shoes lying beside Monica and struggled to pull the on her feet. Once they were on, she rushed out of the house a final time. 'Wish me luck!' she yelled frantically as she slammed the door.

Monica listened to her friend's rushing footsteps fade away and smiled happily.

'Good luck.'

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**Sorry it's so short. I might continue it if I get a good enough idea for the date and who Holly could have the date with that wouldn't cause me to be chased be angry mobs. .:runs away screaming:. **

**Reviews welcome, and thank you to those who have:) **

**-Tigeress-10**


	2. Something Unexpected

**Decided to turn this into a longer story since I liked the first chapter so much.****  
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**Something Unexpected**

Holly smoothed down the edges of her—well, skirt was the only thing she could thing to call it—as she walked in to a small café. She bit her lip nervously, willing herself not to look at the clock on the wall. She did anyway, of course, because she wanted to know just how late she was.

'D'ARVIT!' she said loudly. A little sprite sitting at a table near the entrance frowned at her disapprovingly. Holly ignored him and looked around for her 'date'.

'Hey, Holly!' someone called. Holly looked in the direction the voice had come from. Her mouth dropped, and if she was carrying anything, that would've dropped too.

'Foaly!' she hissed, making her way over to him. 'Foaly, what in Haven's name are you doing?'

Foaly grinned at her in that annoying way that usually would've gotten him a punch in the nose, and not a light one either, but Holly was in public.

'Good to see you to Holly,' Foaly said, still grinning, knowing Holly wouldn't punch him, at least not in a café.

'Foaly, you have three seconds to explain why you're here before I shoot you with—' Holly glanced down at the place where she usually kept her Neutrino, at least when she was working anyway, and sighed. '—well, before I throw my shoe at you.' Holly pointed to one heel menacingly.

'I'm shaking,' Foaly replied, biting back the laughter in his voice.

'That's nice,' Holly snapped. She stopped as she noticed what he was holding.

'FO—'

The centaur—the stupid, annoying centaur—cut off her scream by clamping her mouth shut with his hand. 'Ssh!' he whispered, waving the video camera that had caused Holly to scream, 'I have a lot of people wanting to see the recording of your date. Artemis only agreed to lend it to me if I would show the footage to him later. Normally I wouldn't use a Mud Man camera, but I figured no one would know what is was. Unfortunately, you do.'

'Unfortunately?' gasped Holly after Foaly moved his hand away from her mouth. 'UNFORTUNATLY?'

'Oh, by the way, your date's waiting,' Foaly said airily, pointing to a table near them. He whistled appreciatively as Holly's face turned more purple than Julius Root's.

Holly breathed deeply until she looked normal again, furiously brushed a strand of hair back in front of her ear, and walked towards the other table.

Foaly cackled, aimed the camera and pressed RECORD.

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**Reviews welcome :)**

**hopes she hasn't written Foaly _too _OCC**

**-Tigeress-10 **


	3. Welcome To The World Of Advertising

**The story is just basically writing itself.**

**Now I wish the pairing would do that.**

**However, since I have already eliminated Foaly, and Artemis (the '**Artemis only agreed to lend it to me if I would show the footage to him later.'**), it can't be either of them. **

**Anyhow, I decided to try writing a pairing I usually didn't like. But that's just my stubbornness.**

**(I actually debated writing Holly/Chix. Don't look at me like that. It would've been funny. But I decided Holly's reply to being asked out didn't fit well with him.)**

**So, the date is….**

**The Easter Bunny.**

**Ha, did I scare you?**

**The actual date is…**

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**Welcome To The World Of Advertising**

'Sorry I'm late,' Holly muttered, sliding in to one of the booths. She glared at Foaly in the distance, who had his camera pointing at her and appeared to be chuckling.

'No problem,' Trouble Kelp replied airily, looking at the menu in front of him. 'Monica hold you up?'

Holly nodded, which was a stupid thing to do since Trouble was staring at the menu and couldn't see her. 'Sort of,' she said aloud.

Trouble glanced up at her. 'She didn't tell you the time until how late…?'

'8:00,' responded Holly. Trouble laughed.

'She's like that…'

'She is. You look tired, did you get here okay?'

'I was running,' Holly said meekly.

'Oh.' Trouble handed Holly the menu he'd been looking at. Holly read it and groaned, slapping her forehead.

'What?' Trouble asked anxiously.

Holly didn't answer, staring at the variety of extremely expensive and fancy foods on the menu. 'Is there anything _simple_ on this?' she asked.

Trouble laughed. 'It's not too bad. The deserts sound okay, at least.'

'Oh,' began Holly conversationally, 'I'm sure they're fine. It's just that the menu is written in, oh I don't know, FRENCH?'

'I thought you could read French.'

'I can.'

'So then what's the problem?'

'This is hardly what I would call "French."'

'I thought you said it was French.'

'I did.'

'And now you're saying it's not?'

'Pretty much.'

Trouble sighed and leaned back in his booth.

'But it's so hard to understand! They'd call something like a cake 'moist levels of fudge drowning in chocolate sauce,' only in French! And some form of French that was almost illegible!' ranted Holly.

'Welcome,' Trouble began, smirking, 'to the world of fancy advertising.'

'How is illegible French fancy advertising? I wonder what in Haven's name they'd call a hamburger.'

'Does this look like the sort of place to serve hamburgers?' Trouble asked Holly, gesturing around the fancy—undeniably fancy, Holly admitted—restaurant.

'No,' Holly muttered, burying her face in the menu, 'but looks are deceiving.'

Somewhere not that far away, Foaly grinned evilly at the perfectly normal Gnomish menu in front of him.

_Sometimes_, he reflected, _Mulch can be a big help._

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**I don't think I explained what Foaly did clearly there to poor Trouble and Holly, but I'll explain it more elaborately in the next chapter. Like the pairing? It's not my favourite, but it worked best…**


	4. A Small Inconvenience Or Two

**Holly/Chix would have actually been a lot easier to write. But whatever. I like it how it is.**

**Also, this chapter is about as long as the others put together. Not sure if that's good or bad.**

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**A Small Inconvenience Or Two (Or Three, or Fifty)**

A happy looking—annoyingly happy, Holly thought bitterly—pixie made her way to Holly and Trouble's table.

'Hello, What can I get for you?' she said cheerfully. Holly glared at her, but she didn't seem to notice.

'I'm still trying to understand the menu,' Holly said shortly. Trouble sighed, smiling.

The waitress frowned. 'If I could see that menu, please?'

Holly handed her the menu, glad to get it out of her hands.

The waitress blinked at it. 'This doesn't look like our menu. Tell me, did one of the staff give you this?'

Trouble's brow furrowed while Holly's mouth dropped.

'Come to think of it, the menu was only here after I returned from the restroom,' Trouble said to the waitress, who was looking as confused as he was.

Holly was looking absolutely furious.

Foaly was grinning evilly (again) and reminding himself to write Mulch a thank-you note for his idea.

'Well, I'll, um, get you a normal menu. Very sorry for the inconvenience,' the waitress said, still puzzled. She walked off, taking the 'menu' with her.

Holly glared fiercely at Foaly.

Foaly waved at her.

'You okay, Holly?' Trouble asked her.

'That stupid centaur…'

'Holly?'

'Oh. Um, yeah. I'm fine,' Holly said uneasily.

At this moment the waitress returned with a menu that looked exactly like the other one, except written in Gnomish. Unfortunately the foods still seemed incredibly expensive and too fancy for Holly's taste, but she accepted it grudgingly.

Holly sighed.

'Anyhow, how are you?' Trouble asked her. 'Anything new?'

Holly shrugged. 'Not yet. I'm still trying to figure out a legal way to kill Foaly. And Artemis. And Monica, come to think of it. Oh, and the waitress.'

'I thought you liked your job as a LEP Captain better than a hit woman.'

'Oh, you know. There are days when I'd change that.'

Trouble scooted backwards.

Holly began to whistle, which was ironic, but she didn't notice.

'Anything you'd like from the menu?' Trouble asked her.

'A salad would be fine.'

'What kind?'

'They have more than one type of salad?'

'Eight, as far as I can see.'

'EIGHT? One is fine, two's great, three's understandable, four's pushing it a bit, five is…unusual, six is slightly annoying, seven is extremely aggravating, but EIGHT?'

'You have a plan in your head for the amount of salads a restaurant can have?'

'Sure, make it sound stupid.'

'It's my job.'

'Maybe I'd like that better than a hit woman. Tough choice.'

Holly closed her eyes and pointed to a random selection on the menu, opened her eyes, and smiled.

'That's taken care of. Garden salad, please,' she said.

Trouble raised his eyebrows. 'What happens if your finger landed on a salad you hated?'

'I happen to like garden salad.'

'But what if?'

'Nobody should say "what if." If they go around wasting time with the "what if"s they won't have time to do far more important things, and it gets annoying and pointless anyway.'

'And what, pray tell, would you consider far more important?'

'Well, for one thing, breathing.'

'Ah. How could breathing compare to actually _choosing_ a food you actually _liked_.'

'I did choose. Just with my eyes closed.'

Trouble sighed exasperatedly, but he was grinning. 'I don't think that counts—'

'What do you mean I'm not on the list?' someone yelled from the café entrance. 'Don't you know who I am—hey—look here—look! See him over there? He's with me! So if you would just let GO of me…thank you.'

Holly looked up at the newcomer, gasped, and hid her face in the menu again.

'Mulch,' she breathed angrily, in such a tone of anger that most people would know to stay far, far away.

Trouble was one of the only people in Haven and above that didn't know to stay far, far away.

Among these people were Foaly, Mulch, Monica, Artemis, and the waitress.

These people were, incidentally, the ones that Holly at the current moment was cursing silently under her breath. Even thought the poor waitress had no involvement.

Holly instinctively reached for her Neutrino again, and ended up pointing to the heel of her shoe and glaring again, before getting up and marching over to the table were Foaly and Mulch were sitting.

'What,' she hissed, 'are you doing here, Mulch?'

'Are you kidding?' Mulch replied joyfully. 'I wouldn't miss this for all the gold in Haven.'

Foaly grinned at Holly and tapped the camera. 'Still recording,' he said, as thought greeting Holly casually.

Holly then did something that is not usually done in casual greeting, and stomped on his ankle with her shoe.

She stalked off as Foaly blinked, holding his ankle and looking in pain.

The waitress was standing by trouble when Holly slid into the booth.

'Have you decided what to order?' the waitress asked happily.

'Uh, we'll both have garden salads,' Trouble said quickly, before his date could kill the waitress, which she looked quite ready to do.

The waitress made a note of the order in her notebook, smiled at them, and walked off.

'This food,' Holly began, 'better be the best food I've ever had in my life.'

Trouble was too scared to ask what would happen if it wasn't. There were times when Holly's warning glare couldn't be missed by anyone.

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**Haha, had a lot of fun writing that, so hope you'll have a lot of fun reading it.**

**Reviews are still welcome of course :P  
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**Also, writing this date is kinda tricky because I can't think of anything for them to talk about. So I'm probably trying to hard to put humour in the chapters…sorry bout that.**

**-Tigeress-10**


	5. How Very Deeply Tragic

**TO ALL ARTEMIS/HOLLY FANS READING THIS:**

**I apologize that the date was Trouble, but as I have said before in review replies, and the author's note at Chapter 3, I accidentally ruled Artemis out by him only lending Foaly the camera if _he could see the footage later_. Why would Artemis want to have his date filmed, for one, and why would he want to see the footage later?**

**When I realized that, I had to drop my original plan for this to be A/H and change it to H/T, which seems to work fine.**

**By the way, I think this will be the next-to-last chapter. Sorry it got uploaded late by the way. I went on a road trip yesterday and didn't have time to type anything but the 'To All Artemis/Holly Fans' thing.**

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**How Very Deeply Tragic**

'Here you go,' the waitress said happily, handing Holly and Trouble two plates with their food.

'Thanks,' Holly responded. Trouble nodded gratefully at the waitress and began to eat.

Holly was sitting, frowning at her food.

'What's wrong?' Trouble asked her.

Holly poked at the salad with her fork and sighed. 'Nothing,' she said, taking a bite. She grimaced but continued to eat.

'So,' Trouble began, 'is it the best food you've had in your life?'

'No.'

'Then what are you going to do?'

'Not give her a tip.'

Trouble was surprised this was all Holly was going to do. 'Really?' he enquired, pretended to be surprised at what she was doing, 'that bad?'

'Unfortunately,' his date muttered.

Foaly grinned at Mulch as the camera began to beep. The message LOW BATTERY flashed across the screen but Foaly didn't notice, as he was busy talking to Mulch.

'Think we should put it on the internet?' he asked.

Mulch shrugged. 'Probably—or just set it up so that the entire LEP computers start playing it sometimes on Monday.'

'Hmm, the idea is tempting,' mused Foaly.

The camera beeped again, but Foaly ignored it.

This is, of course, a bad thing to do, because eventually the camera will run out of batteries and will stop filming.

Foaly wasn't used to human cameras, and didn't know this.

How tragic.

Foaly, however, didn't pause to wipe his eyes, or even cry, at this fact, and instead continued to film.

How very deeply tragic.

'Um,' Trouble said nervously, trying to think of something to talk about.

'Yeah?' Holly said, looking up from her food.

'Do you like the food?'

Holly shrugged. 'It's…okay. Do you?'

'Uh. Sorta.'

'It's an interesting restaurant,' Holly observed.

'It is. I was worried you'd hate it, actually.'

'Then why didn't you chose somewhere else?' Holly enquired.

'Um. Well. Couldn't really think of anywhere else, I guess,' her date responded, going slightly pale.

Holly laughed at his nervousness. 'It's okay,' she said, smiling reassuringly. 'I like it.'

'Good.'

Holly finished her food, Trouble still had a little bit left to eat but he wasn't that hungry.

Holly waved defiantly at Foaly and Mulch, smirking. She'd heard the camera beeping—it beeped really loud actually—and knew this was the international sign for 'Low Battery.'

Foaly and Mulch waved back, suspicious.

'What do you think she's planning?' Foaly asked Mulch.

'No idea…'

'Finished?' Holly said to Trouble, averting her gaze from Mulch and Foaly.

'Yeah.' Trouble pushed the plate to the front of the table and motioned for the waitress to come.

'Did you enjoy your meals?' the waitress asked after she walked over, picking up the plates.

'Very much,' said Holly through gritted teeth.

Trouble would've kicked her under the table but he valued his life.

'Great!' the waitress said enthusiastically. 'And would you like desert?'

Trouble looked at Holly, shrugging, Holly nodded.

'I'll get the menus again!' the waitress said happily before walking off.

Holly banged her head against the table while Trouble chuckled.

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**Very little humour in this chapter...sorry bout that. **

**Reviews welcome **

**-Tigeress-10 **


	6. Don't You Love Happy Endings?

**I'm going to see how writing this goes, but it'll probably be the last chapter.**

**So then, thanks, a million, in advance, to all the reviewers who have followed me through writing this or just plain reviewed at all, or added it to their favs/alerts etc.**

**Or read it, even. Thanks to all who read it.**

**ETC.**

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**Don't You Love Happy Endings?**

The waitress came back with the desert menus. Holly took them, looked at them and frowned immensely.

'Not hungry?' Trouble asked her as the waitress left.

'The food's illegible again,' Holly replied bitterly. 'Welcome To The Word Of _Really_ Fancy Advertising…illegible Gnomish.'

Trouble sighed as Holly closed her eyes and pointed at another random selection.

'Chocolate cake,' Holly announced as she opened her eyes.

'Sounds good.'

After the waitress had taken their orders, Mulch and Foaly were still busily discussing what to do with the video. Sadly, this involved not paying much attention to the video, and the small tiny drawing that signalled low battery that was appearing on the screen. Sigh.

They'll never learn, will they?

After the waitress had brought the cake, to Holly's great "happiness". Trouble and Holly began to eat.

Holly took one bite and frowned confusedly. 'How weird,' she murmured. 'It's actual good food.'

'Glad you like it,' Trouble responded with a smirk, eating his own desert.

'So am I, and if the waitress knew what I'd do to her if I didn't, I'd assume she would be too,' Holly mumbled.

Trouble nodded thoughtfully.

The waitress arrived to take away the empty plates. 'Will you require anything else?' she said with a grin. Holly closed her yes. _Happy place_, she told herself.

'Just the bill please,' Trouble said quickly. The waitress left and returned with a bill a few minutes later. Holly was so happy at the thought of never seeing the waitress again she began to hum quietly to herself.

'I'll pay,', trouble told her. Holly shook her head. 'Half and half?' she suggested, 'Since I know you won't let me pay for it on my own.'

Trouble nodded. 'Well, if you had your Neutrino on you I might agree, but you don't,' he said, before adding '_Thank the Gods,' _quietly under his breath.

'What was that?' Holly asked airily, putting half of the money on the little black tray the bill came with.

'Nothing,' Trouble said quickly.

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Trouble and Holly exited the restaurant, followed by Foaly and Mulch. Foaly and Mulch had been glared at by Holly's favourite waitress for not ordering anything, but they ignored her. Eventually they had to order drinks just to stop the staff glaring at them, but they hardly drank them, instead watched Trouble and Holly, smiling evilly.

'Thanks, I enjoyed myself,' Holly said quietly to Trouble.

'So did I,' Trouble said nervously.

It was at this precise moment a few things happened.

They will be listed, not necessarily in order of importance, or chronological.

The camera died with a quiet beep.

A phone rang in Holly's house.

Holly didn't hear the phone call.

This is because she was far away from her house, and presently kissing Trouble on the cheek.

Foaly and Mulch cheered. Holly rolled her eyes, waved goodbye at trouble, and began to walk back to her house.

Trouble blinked and stared after her. 'Wait a sec…' Foaly muttered, staring at the camera. He pushed the RECORD button again. Nothing happened. He pushed it again.

'NO!' cried Foaly frantically, continuing to stab the RECORD button. Mulch sighed.

For the benefit of the reader, the camera ran out of batteries just before Holly kissed Trouble.

This was a great sorrow to Foaly and Mulch, and it would have been a great joy to trouble and Holly if they knew about it.

However, they didn't.

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**I've decided to write another chapter, sort of an Epilogue.**

**So…this is not the end.**

**Yet.**

**-Tigeress10**


	7. Epilogue

**The Mysterious Phone Call Of Doom awaits.**

**Or, rather, someone else.**

**No, not the Easter Bunny again…**

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**Epilogue**

Holly entered her house, humming. She took of her coat and placed it on the gold hook on the door and walked into the bathroom. Seconds later the phone rang. Holly sighed and ran to the kitchen and picked up the phone. 'Hello?'

'You're home? How was it! Oh my God, I can't believe you actually—'

Holly sighed and hung up. The phone rang again.

'WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?' Holly practically yelled into the phone.

'It's 9:30 if you're interested.'

Holly sighed again and sat down at the kitchen table. 'Why do I remain in contact with you, Monica,' she muttered.

'Because I'm not as annoying as I seem,' Monica replied.

'That's debatable…' mumbled Holly.

'I know. Anyhow, how did it go?'

'It went fine. Mulch and Foaly were filming it.'

'Wow! They were?'

'Monica, you knew, didn't you?'

'As a matter of fact, tomorrow I'm going to be flying to Ireland to give the camera back to Artemis.'

'Ah. Great. Just what I wanted to hear.'

'I know, it—hold on, I got another call.'

Holly waited for a few minutes until the phone rang again.

'That was Foaly,' Monica began. You'll never guess—the camera ran out of batteries. JUST as you kissed Trouble, apparently. Now, due to the fact you kissed him—'

'ON THE CHEEK, MONICA.'

'I must jump around—'

'"KISS" IS A REALLY LOOSE TERM FOR IT.'

'Laugh happily, arrange the wedding—'

'WHAT?'

'Ha. I knew that would shut you up.'

Holly sighed, but she grinned slightly. 'Oh go to sleep, Monica. I'll call you in the morning.'

'Ok, but I'm leaving for Ireland at 9:00 am.'

'Without the footage of the kiss?'

'Do you think I'd want to miss the expression on Artemis's face?'

'GOODNIGHT, MONICA.'

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The next morning, several other things happened.

These included Monica giving Artemis his camera back.

Artemis watched the tape.

Unfortunately, Monica didn't mention to get a picture of his face, but it's safe to say his eyes were very wide.

And who's, after that date, wouldn't be?

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**I'm so sad about ending this. :sniffs:.**

**Once again, thank you to all readers.**

**Reviews still welcome.**

**-Tigeress-10**


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